Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Red Sox Use Magic 8-Ball to Guide 2006 Roster

Yes, it's true. For those of you who have been silently questioning whether or not the post-Theo staff is using the 8-Ball, allow me to be the first to report that this is no myth. Its power is too irresistible. Other teams, (the Devil Rays, for example) have successfully integrated this tool into their team-building suite and now the Red Sox want their share of the benefits.

One source close to the team revealed that they (front office) entertained the idea of using a Ouija Board, but decided against it, claiming that it is too time consuming. Since the manufacturers of the Magic 8 Ball began producing the key chain size, the current staff can keep their balls in their pockets. And after a long day, President and CEO, Larry Lucchino, collects everyone's balls and puts them in a non-disclosed location. It is both an economical and precise solution and the staff couldn't be happier. It is especially handy for the rapid decision-making necessary throughout the course of the GM meetings. When asked if slugger Manny Ramirez would still be in a Red Sox uniform on January 1, assistant General Manager Jed Hoyer quietly peeked into his left pocket, shook his ball around and replied, "My sources say no."

3 Comments:

At 5:47 PM, Blogger Jere said...

This totally explains all the "asking again later."

Did you hear Mirabelli is gone, supposedly?

 
At 9:24 PM, Anonymous Nick, Oaktown, Villa said...

So with Mirabelli off to the Padres, for a hump 2nd baseman, does that mean Wake is all done? Riddle me that? Not enjoying off season one bit.

 
At 7:09 AM, Blogger 01245 said...

I'm sad about Doug, obviously. The idea of bringing Shopach up for Wake was batted around on the big show last night. We all remember how much offensive production Kelly can bang out! Woo! It blinding! I thought Graffy was doing fine at 2nd. I understand that he probably wanted a longer contract than the Sox would be willing to extend him, but did they even go there? Whatever.

 

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